Today is a little bitter-sweet for me. It’s a reminder of the fact that my mom is no longer living. She’s been gone ten years. Most days, living without my mom has become such a new normal that it catches me off guard when I remember I used to have one. I’ll see her picture or a memory will flash, and I’ll think, “Oh, yeah, I used to have a mom. It was really great. I miss her!” Or I’ll see a woman my age with her mom, and the chasm of her absence temporarily stops me in my tracks. I’ll look at my hands, and I see her hands. That’s always a bit creepy!
Mother’s Day always brings her back, as if she was here just yesterday. I smile because I remember. I tear up because I remember. She wasn’t perfect, but she was amazing.
You do make it when you lose someone dear to you. I guess I’ve adapted, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget. Knowing she is eternally alive with Christ in heaven gives me more hope and joy than I can describe.
And even when I miss her so bad I feel my chest might cave in, life is still so sweet.
Like being a mom. It’s like my all-time favorite thing behind Jesus and James! Like my mom, I’m not perfect, but I love my kids beyond words, and being their mom is a high calling I have found can only be answered from the knees. Sometimes because it knocks the wind of out me. Sometimes because it’s so exhausting. Sometimes because I feel defeated. Sometimes because I don’t know anything else to do in the moment. But many times, because I am simply in awe of the Lord and His goodness in allowing us to be a part of loving and steering and shaping our children for the calling God has for them.
According to Psalms 127:4, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.”
We are warriors, moms! This is serious business. Our children are arrows to be shot forth into battle, but notice where the scriptures says they are: in our hands. The Lord has entrusted them to us, to train them up in the way they should go. To aim them at the right target, and at some point, to release them. It is a great responsibility, yes, but it is also a great honor.
Let us honor our moms today, and let us hold in high regard the honor God has given us.
Not having my mom here is a loss, every day. I can’t just pick up the phone and call. I can’t take her to lunch or shopping. We can’t lose ourselves in each other’s giggles. I can’t fall apart with her and know she’ll make it all better because that’s what so many moms do.
But I can cherish her memory. I can cherish the beauty of who she was in Christ and the heritage of faith she left behind. And I can celebrate. I celebrate her, and I can celebrate being a mom.
I love you Ryan, Hannah, Samantha, and Elly. I absolutely love being your mom. You bring me immeasurable joy. I am so thankful that the Lord knit our family together exactly as He did. You are so gracious to forgive me of all my faults and mistakes, and I am so thankful for the Lord’s grace that is sufficient in the face of my many shortcomings. I delight in you, and I’m proud of every single one of you!
To every mom today, Happy Mother’s Day!
Lord, what a privilege it is to be a mom and experience the miracle of new life. Thank You for all You reveal of Yourself in Your perfect design for family. Help us to take our job as warrior moms seriously as we become more wholly Yours today.